Hi guys, welcome to today’s live video. Thanks for joining me. I want to talk today about stuff that I was writing about in my journal this morning. When you think about something which is important to you, something that you want to achieve, it can be anything really, it might be a new job, or maybe you’re planning to run a marathon, or give a presentation in front of maybe a hundred people.
Basically, something that scares you or puts you out of your depth, something that’s out of your comfort zone, and you might be doubting your abilities about that thing and think, “Who am I to think that I can achieve X.” You might even think that you feel a bit of an impostor. I was thinking back also as I wrote in my journal, thinking about a situation that happened when I was 19.
I was one of the older ones from my year, so my birthday was in September. I remember two weeks after my 19th birthday, I was packing my bags and getting ready to head off to university. We were getting my bags packed up and getting loaded up in the car, and I remember at the time that it didn’t feel quite real. Even as we were driving on the road, driving through Scotland and then to England, I hadn’t quite sunk in that I was going to spend the next three years in a new town where I didn’t know anyone at university studying. That in itself felt a bit daunting. We eventually arrived and I got myself settled in. My parents helped me get organized, got to find where everything was in the time, find where the nearest supermarket was so I could get myself all kitted out with the essentials that I’d need for cooking, washing, and everything else.
Eventually, the time came for my parents to head home. I remember vividly standing outside the halls of residence, standing, holding my bicycle, watching as my parents just drove out of sight, and I just felt numb, and just was the most strange feeling. It was emotions and feelings I never had before. Over the next few days, those emotions and feelings just built up, and I eventually recognized that I was feeling homesick and just wasn’t happy.
I was feeling lonely as well, so I thought, “I know, I will write a letter home and tell my parents how I feel.” I got some pen and paper out and started writing a letter saying, “I’m really unhappy, I’m lonely. I’m not enjoying myself. I want to come home.” I remember writing about the fact that if I hadn’t found a good rowing club in Bedford, I would 100% be heading home, but thankfully I did. Over the next few days, once my parents received the letter, we were talking on the phone, my parents didn’t say, “You should be home for the weekends. You’ll feel better.” My mom, I remember her saying, “You’re just going to need to go with it. Just get on with it. Yes, you have these emotions, you’re feeling upset and homesick, but yes, you’re just going to need to get on with it.” Those were wise words.
That got me thinking about a book that I’d read less than a year ago. I read it eight or ten months ago and then again recently. It’s called Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life: by Susan David,
Susan talks about showing up: similar to what I was feeling this morning. You feel doubts, you’re stretching yourself, you’re out of your comfort zone and yet you’re still showing up. Instead of ignoring and trying to make your thoughts or emotions go away, you face them and even give them a name. The very fact of naming how you’re feeling– in my case, homesick, in itself can strip that emotion or feeling of its power. The other important thing she talks about is not bottling our emotions up, externalize them, share them, that in itself will help you move forward. If you bottle your emotions up, that could create a block and hold you back. It might explode later.
Next she talks about stepping out. Detaching yourself from these feelings you might be having and observing them for what they are. These emotions and thoughts, they are just emotions and thoughts.
By me writing down how I was feeling in my letter home, and talking about them on the phone with my parents, that helped me to externalize these feelings, and recognize them for what they were. Getting that advice from my parents saying, “You’re not going to die. You’re just feeling homesick. You’re just going to need to get on with it,” helped me to work through those emotions.
You’ve shown up, stepped out and detached, and next is moving on. That’s about making small, deliberate tweaks to your motivation, your mindset, and your habits all in alignment with your core values and your why. I talked about last week about values and being in alignment with them. Discovering your core values are can build resilience and confidence as you move forward. I was thinking also, if you’re confident about the direction you’re taking, you know it’s aligned with your values. Yes, you might be stretching yourself and pushing yourself out of your comfort zone; going for that new job, promotion, training for a marathon.
You might be thinking, “Who am I, to think that I could do this?”
You doubting your abilities.
You’re out of your comfort zone.
Having these emotions coming up could be enough to push you over the edge. But if you’re confident you’re going in the right direction, and in what you’re trying to achieve.
By writing your emotion down, and externalize them. That in itself will give you more confidence moving forward.
When you’re challenging yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone, pushing forward, trying to grow, if it’s aligned with your core values, that has to give you confidence.
Take the time to write, talk about, and externalize your emotions, then move forward with confidence. (sorry I think I repeated this a few too many times in the video :P)
If I hadn’t stayed on university, if I’d allowed my homesickness, unhappiness, and loneliness at the time to overwhelm me and I’d chosen to go home. Nine years later, I would not have had the confidence to go traveling for five years with all the amazing experiences that included.
Who knows by facing up to your emotions now, what that might lead to in the future.
That’s really all I want to cover this week.
I highly recommend Susan David’s book; Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life.
If you’ve any questions or comments about the book or anything I’ve discussed, please leave them in the comments below.
I enjoy reading and responding and answer any questions as best I can.
You can get the paperback or Audible book, which is the one I go for because I can listen to it on runs and while I’m walking.
As always, thanks again for watching, and I will talk to you again next week.
Jim Rohn puts it best. “Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced daily.” Are you ready to take your life to the next level? To start moving in a new direction? I would love nothing more that to see you go from stuck to succeeding; from surviving to thriving.
“Success is nothing more than a few simple disciplines practiced daily.” ~ Jim Rohn
I have created a seven (7) day challenge, for you. It introduces one new discipline I practice everyday.
“Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person you become.” ~ Jim Rohn
Seven days will not change your destination, but if you commit to getting up everyday determined to get from the day and not just through it, you can change the direction of your life in seven short days.
“You cannot change your destination overnight, but you can change your direction overnight.” ~ Jim Rohn